Jesus Sold Out

Even Jesus has gotten whiny and preachy in the recent months. Is nothing sacred?

I remember the good old days, when Jesus was a simple man who desired nothing more than communing with nature and the company of a few indiscriminate women who resided in the Washington DC area.

But now Jesus is telling us to steer clear of the rampant nihilism which is overpowering our country and giving us advice on love.

Shit, Jesus. I thought you were cool.
Or something.